Sunday, September 6, 2009

it's like riding a bicycle

First... i have just realized, no one in my family ever takes pictures of me!!
Clearly, i am the only one with camera in hand at all family functions.
I am the one who always remembers we need a picture (not just on an i-phone!) and I am always the one that remembers to plug something in to the charger ( granted,sometimes just under the wire!) so we get more than the first five minutes!
It became clear when i went to find a photo of me for this blog( in our massive collection of childhood firsts, school celebrations, family gatherings,new pet arrivals, new child arrivals etc. etc.)that the few pics of mom were basically blurs in the background at the back of the class, or carrying in the birthday cake.(I guess that's when somebody realized you cannot do both things at someone grabbed the camera!)
There are however, a multitude of shots of birthday cakes, kid decorated, with the words "Happy Birthday Mom", so i know they care... oh yea, i took those too!!!
No pics of MOM...whadupp???
consequently, my blog pic is of my three. (i could've posted some random publicity shot, an 8x10, or maybe the one of me playing a contortionist, folded into a guitar case, but i wanted something homey...very hard to find!!!)
Next family brou-haha i am insisting on my kodak moment!!

I'm still trippin' (dating myself!) about this whole blog business.
really, why?
why write a blog??
For me...
i've decided, i'm searching.
trying to revisit a journey i was once on.

There was a time in my life when all i wanted, was to be a writer and all i did, most of the time, was write.
Music mostly, journals alot, prose when the mood struck...a few short stories as well.
i was prolific (i thought) uncensored, motivated, stimulated..always a pen in hand, legal pads strewn, words and more words...notes and more notes.
now granted, there was alot of outside mojo going on in my younger helped.
alotta nicotine, and caffeine, and amphetemine (Sarah,if you're reading this...i can explain!!)
but also just a whole lot of love.
word love
music love
bold love...ballsy!

I stayed at my piano hours on end,wired, thinking it was all good, never giving a shit what anyone else thought, one way or the other...
i had things i wanted to say.
and they felt real and immediate...and heartbroken.
That was the thing, i always felt heartbroken back then and i needed to talk about it...i couldn't, really, so i wrote about it, and that's how i talked about it and , well maybe, that's why i slowly stopped...writing, i mean.
i got un-heartbroken.
had to.
all that stimulation took a turn...things got murky and i needed to dig myself out of a possible early grave (i'm so dramatic!!)
in the process, i dropped the broken heart (not completely, but in a less victimy kinda way)
and without all that stimuli (chemical as well as emotional) the written word got far away.

all that to say, i'm writing a blog so that i will write!
something, anything...
my husband is a writer..a poet, prolific, so amazing.
he writes movies and tv shows, and song lyrics, and plays and well... he writes!!!
he always says "writers, write".
they may think about it, they may plan how and when and where to do it,they may decide to start tomorrow again and again, but ultimately you must write to have written.
so, that's why when buddy Bob suggested i blog, i decided to take the plunge.
it's relatively benign, if anybody wants to read this they can...if not, so be it!!!

it's a safe place to rekindle.
it's a bit less frustrating then the hours of unfinished songs i have lying in bits and pieces on various recording devices...(can't seem to find the right writing tool...hmmm...keep writing!)
and who knows, maybe someone can relate, and they'll start doing something they've left off doing, not for lack of love, but becauce maybe they forgot how much they loved that something, and in so doing,forgot that they once knew how to do it.
it's like riding a bicycle...
i hope.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

i'm new to the concept of blogging.
Not really sure what's of interest to myself, let alone anyone else...
i suppose the way my life is... might be interesting to some.

i am a master juggler...not literally...but i do manage keeping many balls in the air.
three kids (that could be enough right there!!!)a forever needs attention kind of career, a husband that likes my attention (and whom i love to give attention to!)brothers, sisters, friends, dogs,babysitters, a turtle, a band, songs to write, schedules to be made, pick ups and drop-offs,many, many people and questions needing answers and to be answered to and for, and somehow....
i have a life i couldn't have made up, or if i had i would have left something out...for sure!!
it's jammed with blessings.
it's hectic, and messy, and exhilirating, and funny, and impossible.
probably like alot of folks i know.

i try to say yes alot.
as in "yes, i can do that"
i used to say "no" all the time, without even a thought, just "no". i was afraid, that's all.
i still get afraid..i say "yes" anyway.
i guess that's how you get a life jammed with blessings.
you accept them.
so anyway, that's a little snapshot of my life...if anybody's interested.
going to bed now

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

a blog test

I'm giving this a try.
Starting to sweat, not sure how to start.
think i'll put it off....